Just to Make it Harder

Here is a link to a blog I follow recommending a (very interesting sounding) parenting book that has application to older child adoption.  The premise is that we need to parent in a way that makes our children (adopted, biological, young, and growing-up) parent-oriented instead of peer-oriented.  This sounds like sound advice, practical, and biblical.  It is also (this perked up my therapist ears, too) antithetical to how "we" raise kids in today's culture.  I honestly have not read the book (yet?), but read many reviews on Amazon while deciding about purchase. In today's culture, we see outgoing children, without separation anxiety, who confidently enter their kindergarten classrooms and engage in sophisticated peer interaction and negotiation in a positive way.  I think we can look into almost any high school and see the drawbacks of peer-oriented children.  The author of this book says that ultimate examples of peer-oriented groups are street gangs and orphanages.

Here is another link to another blog I follow with a very similar theme.  This is an argument for home-schooling older adoptees.  The 14 year old girl they adopted came to their home "completely peer-dependent."  This young lady immediately started bonding with the children in the family, but the journey of bonding with her parents has taken/is taking longer.

It is really interesting that this theme has come up on two different blogs I follow (both have adopted 14 year olds) right after I send Wynn to school specifically for peer interaction.

I do think that this is going to be OK.  Wynn has been with me 'round the clock with few exceptions (when she has chosen to stay home with Mandy) for 5 months.  Now, she will have 3 months of school to make some friends.  Then, she will be stuck with the family for 3 months of summer vacation (and we have a summer plan packed with activities).  Because we value the primacy of our family unit, and reinforced by our rural location, which forces us to spend time with each other more than anyone else, I think we still have the foundations for family attachment in place for all our children, including Wynn.

School seems to be going well.  She does not have enough English for much narration about what is happening or how she feels about it, but she comes home happy, and we have not seen changes in her demeanor or interaction patterns.  No apparent sadness, grumpiness, or avoidance (and we do know she has those capabilities, so I don't think she's just putting on a good front).  She told me she met a friend who likes dolphins, one whose favorite color is blue, one who likes noodles, and one whose name is like hers (Gwen).  I'm not sure if any of those friends overlap, but it tells me that she is talking with children and sharing likes/dislikes.  Good signs, I think.

I was interrupted in this post and lost my train of thought.  Wynn wanted me to go look at pictures of dragons on the computer, and we segued into downloading pictures of landscapes of China to make a slideshow for her computer desktop.