One Month

So, it has been a month since we met Wynn.  What a lot for her to take in and try to adjust to!  I cannot imagine how hard this has to be, and yet, she does not seem to be unhappy.  Uncertain, but not unhappy.  What a brave, brave girl.  What a challenge for her mom, who is exhausted trying to make things work as smoothly for Wynn as possible with such inadequate communication!

She seems to like and be concerned about all of our family members.  When schedules change and people are not where they are expected to be, she is certain to ask.  She has a weekly schedule of when kids leave and return from band/school/soccer/speech therapy as well as what times Mom works each day.  She has posted this in her room and seems to find the routine comforting.  (This afternoon, she asked why all the kids were still watching TV when her watch said 5:30 - just a moment before the time-for-homework alarm went off.)  When Cameron was at a friend's house and not home for dinner, she was very concerned, "Where is second younger brother?"  When Andrew and Mandy were at a football game, "Why too few people at the table?"  When Gabrian went home with a friend after soccer, "What has happened to third brother?"

This week, she seems to suddenly be more relaxed.  Monday, she ventured out into the clinic and started interacting with the kids coming to therapy.  A couple different co-workers commented that she had smiled at them or interacted a little.  Ari is there for speech therapy on Monday, and I heard Wynn using English words with her many different times (but she still speaks only to Ari, almost exclusively, occasionally a different child). She was getting power words down:  mine, stop, quiet, look, come on, let's go.  Today, she used the translator and talked to two different co-workers.  She is also very happily working on birthday surprises for first brother and third brother. (Andrew doesn't have a number, just the younger brothers are first, second, and third brother.)

These last couple of days, I have felt optimistic about how she's settling in, but communication is still so hard!  We work so hard at understanding and fulfilling simple requests and basic conversation that we have not had anything more than superficial interaction.  I can't yet ask how do you feel, what's hard, how can I help, tell me about life in China, unravel the mystery of foster care/orphanage stay, tell me about your China family.  We don't get very far.

I crossed a line trying to touch her - she doesn't like being touched, but I do touch her arm or squeeze her shoulder without her stiffening and pulling away.  But Monday, in the clinic, we were playing with an adorable little girl.  This little girl, "L," was on the swing with Ari, and Wynn touching their cheeks and giggling with them each time the swing came forward to where Wynn and I were sitting.  Ari asked, "Why is she touching L's cheeks?"  I said, "Because she's cute."  Ari said, "Who's cute?"  I touched Wynn's cheek, as she was touching the little girl's and said, "Wynn is cute," touched L's cheek, and said, "L's cute," and then Ari's cheek, with "And Ari's cute!"  The touch to Wynn's cheek was like dousing the interaction with cold water.  Wow.  But she recovered quickly, and the play resumed.

Tonight, she came to me with the translator on the iPad for help to get solitaire started on the computer, and when I came down, she shyly handed me my phone with a Jibbigo translation that read, "They feel like a child, but sometimes I do not understand ready to leave as is scared, it's too bad temper per person."  Pasting into google translate yielded, "I think they sometimes like a child, but the hair is on fire to fear, really do not understand, everyone has bad temper,"  My very best guess is that she was concerned about the very rowdy interaction between Mandy, Andrew, and Conor at the dinner table.  She is unsure if they are "like a child" (playing) or if they are angry.  And it frightens her.  So I went and showed the three rowdiest and asked them both to tone down the horseplay and to make sure Wynn knows they are playing.  While I talked to them, Michael put each character through another translator and felt that my interpretation had been correct.  So I typed her a little note, sentence by sentence using google translate, back translating each sentence to try to be sure it said what I meant it to, "Thank you for telling me that you are concerned. Sometimes, we are a very noisy and rough family.  Watch to see if people are smiling or laughing.  At dinner, everyone was playing.  I have also asked my family to be more thoughtful.  We will try to make sure you know we are playing. No one is angry. Do not be afraid."  It took me 15 minutes to compose and her 15 seconds to read.  But she smiled and nodded.  I said, "OK?" and she nodded again.  (Have I mentioned that communication is hard?)  But I think it is so important and so wonderful that she tried to share this with me - a feeling, a concern, not a factual question or request.  I feel like it's a big step, and I hope I did enough to encourage the next venture.